The Knowledge of God

God is leading me in a whole other way, giving me a different understanding of who He is. I have a pretty decent understanding of the Bible and His very true word. I am also aware of that understanding has become a source of pride for me. Sure, I love helping people to understand God's word, and help them to really learn how to read the bible, which is a absolute good thing to want to do. Yet somewhere along the way, although, unintentional,  it became more about me, and what I could do, and less about Jesus. pride. Maybe that is why that pride is one of the sins that God hates. 

In thinking about how I got there, it's  a easy trap to fall into. I have pretty much felt, that no matter what I had to say, regardless of topic. Regardless of how right I was, because it came from me, it didn't mean that much because it didn't come from someone smarter. So yeah, when people started chasing me down, or calling me on the phone with a bible related question, it made me feel good. I was finally starting to be heard. And I suppose that it went to my head.

With this recent set back, I've come to see God in a different way.

This italic section is the next day, and I have went back and started to reread this as the unpublished draft that it was. The Spirit is pushing me to include something, that I really wanted to leave out. It's not some new Revelation, I just didn't wish to include it. I suppose because it's not just me who does this. For all of our Bible knowledge, and understanding of the word, and the desire to help other's do we understand it to the point of understanding what is being commuicated? Do we understand that that same knowledge that we desire for other's  to have, applies to our self as well? After I stopped writing Last night, I picked up my Bible and started reading about King Solomon in 1 Kings 10. It starts before that, that's just where I started. 

    And when the queen of Sheba 

    heard of the fame of Solomon 

   concerning the LORD, she came to 

   prove him with hard questions 

                                            1 kings 10:1

As you can see in the above verse, I underlined a word. Why did she go see Solomon? She heard of his fame. Fame of what? It wasn't the fame of the massive wealth he had accumulated. No. The fame she went to see was the "fame concerning the LORD" 

 

When you think of pride as the bible talks about it, do you have a verse that automatically comes to mind? The verse that comes up first is:

      Pride goeth before destruction, and

      a haughty spirit before a fall.

                                       Proverbs 16:18

What type of people do you think of from the Bible? For me, I think of the Pharisees. They were prideful, even to the point of saying,

     This felloew does Cast out devils by

     Beelzebub the  Prince of devils when 

     he healed aman possessed with

     the devil, blind and dumb.

                                 Matthew 12:22-24

The verses that was referenced is a summary  of how verses 22-24 is written, not how they are written. Refer to your Bible for exact writing. 

This level of pride is what is known as Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit as seen in 

Matthew 12: 31.

I would suggest that if you read it from your Bible, to read all of the in between verse as well. It is in those verses where Jesus speaks of a kingdom divided.

I not going to go to much futher with this, but one verse has been on my heart I will include it along with the verse above it, just  gives it a little more clarity. 

10  And I heard a loud voice saying 

      in heaven, Now is come salvation, 

      and strength, and the

      Kingdom of Our God, 

      and the power of HIS Christ:

      for the accuser of our brethren

      is cast down;

      which accused them before

      our God day and night.

11  And the overcame him by the 

       blood of the Lamb; and by the 

       word of their testimony; 

       and they loved not their lives 

       unto death.

                       Revelation 12:10-11

I underlined what stayed in my head and on my heart, but now I'm seeing more in verse 10. What has come?

Four thing that I can see. 

1. Salvation

2. Strength

3. the kingdom of our God

4. The power of His Christ

Why do we need Salvation? To not be weighed down by the burden of sin, and the lies that we are fed. Many of us know that something isn't right we just don't know what it is, and we are not to blame, because this is what we was born into. That's all we know. That is until our spiritual eye's are opened, and we see that we have been lied to, and that there is a better way. 

You see, we can be born twice. The first birth, we have no control over. We have no say as to how we are born. We don't get a choice of which family we are born into. That's all God. But, unlike the first birth, we are the one's who make the choice to be "born again. The second (spiritual) birth. We are the one who makes the choice of rather we want to take part of it or not. Jesus describes it like this:

5  Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except 

     a man be born of 

     water AND OF THE SPIRIT, he  

     cannot enter into 

     the Kingdom of God.

6.  That which is born of flesh is flesh;

     and  the which is born of 

     the Spirit is spirit.

                                                   John 3:5-6

Again, we see this pesky word, "and" which signifies, at least 2 things must be present in order to be true.

We have the water (fleshly) birth, that we have no say in. Then we have the Spirital birth, which we are the only one that gets to make that decision. God does draw us, but we are the one's that either except or reject the offer.

Another way of putting it is, as long as you only have the birth of the flesh as your guide, don't expect spiritual things to happen. Those thing are for those who have accepted to be born AGAIN (spiritual).

Since I'm editing, I'll add that God accepts us just as we are. So we don't have to "clean up are act" to come to God. Having said that, he doesn't want you to stay the way you are, and you don't have to do it yourself. Give Jesus the wheel, step back, and let Him make you into the person you were meant to be.

The One Person.

 Last night, I learned how to view my blog stats. And, while it is not yet worthy of shouting from the roof tops, I was impressed. As the blog isn't even a week old, as of this entry, and this will only be my 5th blog. I didn't have a plan going in to this. I started it from a place of pain and frustration. Thats it. That was all it was. But now that I'm actually seeing numbers that I wasn't excepting, the wheels are turning. Which is where the title of this came from.

In my previous posts, I mentioned, "the right people."  I say, the right people in the sense of, if not you yourself, prehaps you know someone who could read this, and make something happen. 

I checked the stats again this morning. Really, as a way to get and stay familiar with how to get back to the stats page. I did notice the number of views has climbed from when I first seen them. Even though I have no way of actually knowing who's hanging around long enough to read through the post, and who just reads a couple of lines into it, see its not what they was looking for, and clicks right back out. But the number is still increasing. Thats a good thing, and my first 2 entries doesn't even have keywords with them

After I published the last entry, "Just Thinking." I thought of a question that I asked towards the end of the post. It was in regard to hacks in getting higher search rankings. I looked into that. I came across one article that said that it's pretty much impossible to stay on top of it, as the algorithm updates several time through the day. The changes are so minor that most people don't even notice. It's the big updates that's done about 3 times a year that can really affect a pages ranking. So, I am trying to learn on my own. I still would appreciate input from anyone who's in the know.

Another suggestion was to, create revelant key words first, and build your blog around them. Maybe one day soon, I'll get there, but I'm not there yet. As of now, I think of something, hit the create blog sign, and start typing, having no clue as to where it will go. The words flow out, and I type them.

When I was checking the stats from this morning, another crazy idea popped into my head, or maybe it's  not so crazy.

What if this blog was to get to the eye's of someone who wanted to tell a story like mine, in the form of a movie? I know, it's highly unlikely that something like that would ever happen, but not impossible. 

I'm the child of a God who is in the business of making the impossible,  possible!

Just Thinking

I've been sittinking here thinking. I think I know where I went wrong. I've just have put to much faith in humanity. Not individual people, but the culture as a whole. I've had this crazy idea that, any good that I've done to somehow affect individual lives in a positive way, would in some way would come back to me when I needed it the most. 

The time of needing it the most has arrived. The Good deeds has not come back to me. It seems with each passing day, I loose something else.

As far as culture is concerned there are but 2 groups of people. The "haves" and the "haves nots". I'm apart of the "have not" group. I've known this for a very, very long time, and still, I just keep doing what is right. Loving others.  Being there to help when it was needed.

The thing about that is, when your in the "have not" group, it doesn't always work out for you. Most of the time, other that the people you have touched, is the satisfaction of knowing that you did something to make the life of others just a little bit better.

Again, I'm not writing this to make myself a hero, or anything like that. I'm writing this in an attempt to raise awareness to the fact that this sort of stuff matters. I'm hoping to to turn hearts and minds toward actually caring about the people who have sacrificed to the point of loosing everything but their life.

Oh sure. There are plenty of people who help. I know that to be true, as I have gotten some help, and continue to help. And that means everything to me. I can't express enough how much that means.

Having said that, alot of the people who do try to make the life's of other's  better, The only thing it cost them is money, which can be a charitable contribution on taxes, and time.

But, how many loose it all?

I don't know who all will see this, but if, by some chance you do, and you agree with the content, would there be any harm in promoting this article by sharing. You might be like me, and think that the people that would be seeing it via your share, wouldn't really care anyway, so what's the point?

The truth is, that you could be right, but you don't know it to be 100% certainty. Even if just 1 person that would see it from your share was touched enough to share it with their list of friends, and a few more from that share, and so on, until ir spread like wild fire. Maybe some of those people who see it feels moved to contribute in a Monterey way, directly.

I am well aware of the doubts with a direct contribution.  I've had them myself. Like. If the person is addicted to drugs, or has a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol,  then I would just be feeding their habit. That is true. That very well could be the case. Do we let the one's who wouldn't abuse your contribution go without?

I've donated to several causes over the years. Just given money to people because they were low on money, only to find out later that Prehaps I shouldn't have. The cause was not as it claimed, or the person use the money that I gave them to feed their addiction. Things start running through you head like, what if they were on the wagon? Perhaps because they didn't have the means to feed their addiction,  never the less, regardless of how they got on the wagon, they were there, and the contribution you made was just the force that was needed to much them off?

I've had those very same thought race through my mind. And if it's  a drug addiction,  you don't want to feel responsible should you give them enough money that allows them to O.D.

Going back to ways to contribute.  It doesn't have to be all Monterey.  I've started this blog, pouring my soul out for anyone to see. As I've already stated, I have no idea as to how many that is, or will be. But someone who does, may just have the hacks that would be helpful in giving this blog a high ranking search position, so that more people will see it, and maybe want to financially help me out.

Other than loading it down with relevant key words, I don't know what else to do. I certainly can't pay for a high ranking position, or for any marketing. So, does anyone have any suggestions of how to make that happen, rather for now or in the future?

I've been told by a few people that I'm a good writer. Can some gives me some tips of how I can utilize this skill to generate income. That would be great. If anyone could steer me in that direction, I wouldn't need to rely on charity.

I've had good ideas in the past, and still do at time, but lack the finances that would be needed to get the idea from my head to a product, to the market.

Thanks to anyone who reads this. And, thank you if you share it.

Does Anyone Care Anymore?

I've  made a lot of wrong moves in my life. Chasing things that always stayed just out of reach. Right or wrong, whatever moves I made was still done with a good heart. That doesn't seem to count though.

In March of 2021, I relocated to current area I am in now. I did so for the sake of my aged parents. They both was in need of full time care. I don't regret that decision not one bit. I would do it all over again, even in knowing how it would affect me afterwards. 

In order to make this happen, I had to walk away from everything that I did have, which wasn't much, I know. But, it was still mine, and I left it all.

I am not the only one who has made some sort of sacrifices. When this all started, my sister was the one who was down here every chance she could. That has not gone unnoticed. She also has the type of job, that allows her to do most of her work from a computer from wherever she is at a given time, as long as she can log in. It was the on-site work that she got behind on. The things she had to be on location to do. While it was an inconvince to have to play catch up to get caught up, it was still doable.

My work did not allow me that same luxury. If I wanted to get payed, I had to be on location. And I did that for as long as I could, right up until I realized that I was being payed to provide a service that my own parents was now in need of. I couldn't continue doing it. Once I made the decision it was done. I came down here, really with the hope in mind, that it wasn't long term. That I would be here just long enough to help get them through the rough patch they was going through and I would return  life as it was. That was not the case. It was for the long haul, I didn't return, I left it all behind.

I'm not putting this out here to Shine a light on myself or to say, look how good I am, rather to raise awareness to the situation that I'm now in due to the sacrifice that I made. 

In 2023, 2 and a half years of being here, My dad went home to be with the LORD. We all knew that was happening. there was no stopping it. There were also other family members around, which made a difficult time a little bit easier. My mom was a different story, and it affected me on a different level that I didn't see coming.

On Augest 26, 2024  I called an ambulance for her. She's alert but was having a hard time breathing. I grab some needed things from the house, and arrive at the hospital soon after. Take care of the business of getting her registered and go back to see her. You can tell she is not feeling well, but alert and talking, concerned about me cause I had not eaten yet. She kept after me to go get something to eat. I told her that I would, as soon as we knew something, which I did.

Got a diagnosis of pneumonia,  and that they was going to admit her. Before leaving the hospital, I stopped at the desk to see if they had a room number yet, so I would know where to go if they moved her while I was gone. They did have one assigned,  and she did get moved while I was gone. Upon locating where she was at, the nurse meets me in the hall to let me know that in addition to the pneumonia,  she had sepsis. The very next question out of my mouth was, "do I need to start calling family?" She assured me that it hadn't reached that point. They caught it early enough, and with a 4 to 5 Day IV antibiotic treatment, I would be taking her home with me.

She finishes updating me as to where we are at presently,  takes me back to see her. Alert and talking. Asked me where I went to eat. I tell her, Toco Bell. She laughs and says, "how'd I now that." I spend a while with her, and can tell she is getting tired, knowing she would not go to sleep while I was there, I say, "I'm gonna go and let you get some rest." Laughinly, she say, "I'm in a hospital! You can't rest in a hospital." I say, "well your right there", as I lean over to kiss her good night.

I left the hospital, got back to the car, while still in the lot, called my sister to get her updated on the latest news. I told her of all that I observed with our mother, that, while it was true that she wasn't feeling well, there was no signs. No indication that death was less then 24 hours away. We finished our conversation, I came back home. Called the hospital to do one more check, just to put my mind at ease, at least, a little bit. I managed to get a little sleep, but most of the night was restless.

The next morning,the 27th of August. My birthday. The first thing I did was call the hospital to get an update on mom. She cat napped through the night, vitals was starting to stableize. Things are looking good. Once that call is ended, I call my sister, or maybe she calls me. I don't really remember who called who. I told her that I just got off the phone with the nurse, and proceeded to give her the information I had got. She tells me that she had recently called, and they told her the same thing, so, no change. As I'm preparing to leave to go to see mom, another text come in. My aunt, asking for a update. I tell her, and let her know that I was on my way out the door to go see her. I arrived at the hospital at around 10:00 AM. The first thing I see when I look in the room is mom pushing her breakfast tray away, with the nurse in there encouraging her to take just a couple of bites. She did try one, but couldn't do it, and proceed to push the tray away. She then looks up, sees me. The biggest most beautiful smile comes across her face, as she said in a weak voice " Hello baby. Happy birthday." Then proceeds to tell the nurse that I was her daughter, and today was my birthday. I smile and say, " I think she knows today is my birthday. She was standing right there when you said, happy birthday. All 3 of us got a laughter from that comment.

We visited for a while, and things were going, not the best, but not the worst either.

The nurse came in and asked if she had never been diagnosed with congested heart. I said the only thing that I could recall was 1 accute attack from several years ago. She said, now she has the diagnosis., and she handed the patient copy of how to live with icongested heart. I was a bit confused by her giving me that when she did, but didn't think anymore about it. 

A short time later, the doctor came in and explained a treatment they wanted to try, and why. Mom was still alert and talking, and was part of the decision. She asked me what I thought, I just said, the ultimate decision is yours, but if the outlook is not that bright to begin with, and this gives a possible better outcome, I would say go for it. She agreed. Looking back on it now, I don't understand what the hurry was that the decision had to be made, right now!

I have no clue what would have happened if we would have declined the treatment,  but I do know that by accepting the treatment, it was fatal.

After getting the ok, they left the room. The doctor entered the order's  into the computer, and the nurse went to get the treatment and prepare it to be infused into my mom.

I can't really don't remember if they had started the treatment or not when what happened next happened.  She asked me to get someone to help her, as she did have a small little bed sore that she was laying on. She wanted to change the position of how she was laying, and did need help with that. Not wanting to take away all her self respect, I stepped out of the room to give her some privacy. At this point, her breathing was a little labored, but no more then in times past. Nothing that a breathing treatment wouldn't fix. Only it didn't fix it this time.

They gave her the first treatment. It didn't help. They gave her a second treatment. That did nothing either.They tried for a third time. Still nothing. When that didn't work, they brought in either a bipap or c-pap machine. For those who don't know, it's  like a non invasive ventilator. 

This woman went from labored breathing, to gasping for air in the blink of an eye. I'm there watching this happen, but it really wasn't registering what was happening.  During all of this, I noticed the nurse bring in another infusion treatment.  I watched as she replaced the empty bag with another one. They had already put the c-pap on her. She was fighting, trying to get it off. I watched as my dad fought his as well. It must be suffocating is all I can thinking having seen 2 people do the same thing. 

My sister is in route to the hospital, but still about 4 hours away. She's not going to get here in time. So we do a video call. I put the phone up close to mom, by this time, mom had done slipped into a coma, and they still had that stupid c-pap mask on her. The alarms on the moniters was going off. Slowing heart rate, o2 stats dropping. I asked my sister if she wanted to stay connected until what we knew was going to happen, happened. She said no, that she would continue heading our way. Four minutes later, I called her back to tell her that mom was gone. That was about 3:15pm

I went from hearing, "happy birthday my baby, approximately 10:00am, to watching her draw her last breath of life a little after 3:00pm. Yes. It shocked me! I think that it would shocked anyone. I've had a hard time getting moving again. I just recently started talking about it. 3 months had passed before I even admitted just how much of a trama it actually was. And now I'm to the point where what little money she had stored back is gone, no job, and even if I got a job, I'm about ready to loose my way of getting there, since I had no choice but to default on the car loan.

And if that wasn't enough, 1 month to the day of my mom going to the hospital by ambulance.  Tropical storm (just barely) Halene comes packing a punch to the area. Not the hardest hit by no means, but still destructive.  All I could think of was, I'm glad it came in when it did. My mom would not have been able to stay here. 10 days without electricity. A piece that had to be replaced had to be flown in be helicopter,  and of course weather condition had to be favorable. There was a few times, I had to go in town for fast food. The first day, I went to burger King, and I must say, it was so good. 2nd day, I figured I'd eat there again, only, they had closed because they ran out of food, and the delivery truck got delayed due to road conditions. 

I'm getting off track here. I guess what hurts more then anything now is, while I have gotten help from extended family, and some friends, there wasn't enough involvement to really make a lot of difference in the financial situation.  The one's that was helped the most, other than my parents, has done the least. That is hard to admit. 

I just need a significant hand up. I'm not asking for a rest of my life free ride.

I guess I'm just hoping that my story will be seen by people who could, and would be happy to help me out, and maybe even be the one who turns it all around for me.

Don't keep your testimony hidden.

 Have you ever experienced a time you were doing something  or Maybe nothing when a word or phase would just dropped on you out of no where?

That's been happening alot to me lately. Just a few days ago, I was scrolling through one of my newer Facebook groups that I was invited to join. As I'm scrolling through it, I stop on this one post, of someone who was describing really having a good life. That he was financially secure, and yet still felt empty. He couldn't feel the presence of God, and hadn't for some time.

That just brought back to mind of one of those things that dropped out of no where.  Actually, it was 3 things.

The amazing thing about this is, that post I read, was posted 17hrs before I read and commented on it. Why did I not see the post before I did? I was there, and probably seen it, and just didn't read it. This is where I know the hand of God intervened in it. The 3 things that had dropped out of no where hadn't happened yet. I would have put up some words of encouragement had I seen the post earlier. They just wouldn't have been anywhere close to what I did say.

Here are the 3 drops that just happened.

I thought of the song by Casting Crowns, Praise you in the storm. It has been well over a year since I've heard or thought about that song.

The next thing was Amazing Grace. Not so much the song as it was the history of the man who wrote the song, and the final thing that drops is like the second. The history behind one of the greatest hymns ever written. "It is well (with my soul). And they all dropped in the order I've written them.

All of this found it's way into my comment back to Him. I just found it all to be good timing.

Another phrase from the Bible that stuck in my mind comes from Revelation. Not even the whole verse, just a snippet from the verse.

"By the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. " The whole verse is special, but the part that really stuck in my head is, "word of their testimony."

Which is where this post is coming from. If we want to really really get the spirit of God back in our land, then we need to speak up by, the blood of the lamb AND the word of our testimony. 

I have not added my testimony yet, but I will.

Stay Focused on God

 I'm  not going to try to make myself something that I'm not. The truth of the matter is, this blog is coming from a place of great emotional pain.

 But, through it all, I have learned that if I dwell in the pain to much, on the very bad situation I'm in, I will fall apart. I have to stay focused on God. There's no other way!

This has definitely been an eye opening experience in more ways then 1.

I guess most, if not all of us has heard someone say " if you ever need anything, just let me know." 

Those words are oh so sweet to hear. Just to know that someone has you back if you ever need them. Then when the time comes that you actually do need them, you find out pretty quickly as to who really doea have your back, and meant the words they said, and who didn't.

I did just that. Don't get me wrong, people did reach out and did what they could, and I am grateful to them for it. But, in the end, there just wasn't enough outreach to even make a dent.

I also reached out to one of my local new organization to see if they could get my story out to the listening area to maybe bring in donations to help out that way. I have emailed the main news desk 4 times, talked to someone twice, and was given another email address,  which I have emailed 3 times.

Here is what I was told when I last spoke with someone on the phone. "Just send them again to the same emails as before just to get it at the top of the inbox, IF we're interested,  we'll get in touch with you."

Wow! Imagine being me, reaching out to try to get some help, only to hear, "IF we are interested..."

I said, after reading it, how could you not be interested?

So now I'm starting to look at this as a test. To see if people are who they say they are. If they really care the way that they say they care.

I've gotten my story out in front of some pretty big names, who could easily start a fund raiser for me, or maybe could even fund me theirself, and wouldn't even miss the funds.

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if any of it's even real.